So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
