did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I look better un-naked...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
