strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Someone came in the potted fern
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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