TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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