I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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