I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
