Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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