I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
