i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
