can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
