You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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