You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
