The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
