I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
