I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
