I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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