so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
