just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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