I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
