I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
