how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Send help, water and tortillas.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
