i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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