I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
