these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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