Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
