I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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