Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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