I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
