I think my fart just growled at me.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
