You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize