he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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