her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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