No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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