it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
