I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
