my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think a kid would responsible me up
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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