I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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