I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
3 2 1 whiskey
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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