Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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