my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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