yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
