Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
