Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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