Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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