im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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