god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
