he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I smell stomach acid.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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