I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
