she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He did a backflip because drugs
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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