Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
