Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
