I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
