I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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