Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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