I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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