do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
