maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Boobs speak an international language.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
