Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
