i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
