I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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