The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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