fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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