he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize