You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
