Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
