She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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