You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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