it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
