so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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