How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize