Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
it's like heaven, but drunker
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
