So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
