Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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